Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
