I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
