I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
