I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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