She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
