What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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