I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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