My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Welp...herpes.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
