We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
