i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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