Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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