Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
