you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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