So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
