I'm lost and stupid without you.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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