After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
