Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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