Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
