Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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