Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
