i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
