Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
