I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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