She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
