Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
