Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
