I need to stop coming to work sober
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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