there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
