his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
