forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
