i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
