her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
