I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
