the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
