I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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