im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
