just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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