I faked an abortion last night.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
