His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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