I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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