Having a random hookup so left but love u
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
