I showed him my bush... on skype.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
