maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
