sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
