my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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