You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
