3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize