I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
pray to the hookup gods
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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