before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he thought i was a dude.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
