see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
