if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
