I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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