Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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