okay pat passed out under dana's car
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
