Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
