i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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