I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize