Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
