arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
