I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
