If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
