Fuck appropriateness.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
