when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
