oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
